tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86636207077114322022024-02-19T23:20:27.121+11:00What I did in the library.Reflections and rantings, discussions and dreams of a new Librarian.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-15519765499502781762012-07-21T19:14:00.004+10:002012-07-21T19:45:30.353+10:00Weapons aren't really my thing...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white;">I spent a bit of time on the internet today and found out about the chap who went apeshit at the screening of Batman. Now, I'm usually the last one to hear about these things, so I'm just going to assume that you all know about it. It was brought to my attention by the Sydney Morning Herald, then by George Takei and then by one of my lovely neighbours. All three of these sources seemed to indicate that their primary concern was for the victims and their families and the sci-fi/fantasy/comic book fan community. These are responses I can understand and relate to, and somewhat mirror my own feelings when the news started to sink in.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Then I saw a link to a </span><a href="http://www.naturalnews.com/036536_James_Holmes_shooting_false_flag.html" style="background-color: white;">newsblog website</a><span style="background-color: white;"> which started out fairly sane (in the scheme of things), though I was (and am still) extremely dubious about the authority of the text. It gave great detail about the event to the point where I found myself scrolling up to see who this person was that they should be so in-the-know. Then it started talking about how the gunman was the result of a neurological experiment designed to repress those who hold their second amendment rights dear in the face of the UN small arms treaty vote. Yes. This was all a plot by pinko lefties (and the FBI) to stop people being allowed to carry guns.</span><br />
<br />
Puh-lease.<br />
<br />
And then, from the same person who linked the above article, I see the usual overly dramatic nonsense about how this all could have been prevented or minimised if more people in the audience had brought their own firearms with them to the theatre.<br />
<br />
Wait..what?<br />
<br />
Obviously, the best response to a crazed gunman is for amateurs to start shooting into the darkness! That will solve everything!<br />
<br />
So...context is out of the way.<br />
<br />
So a facebook friend says:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">How many innocents have to die before American voters recognise that the willful misreading of the 2nd Amendment (designed to protext the right to join the National Guard) which allows civilians to purchase military-style weapons is insanely wrong?</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">And for the benefit of my American friends: Here in Australia we are every bit as free as those on the other side of the Pacific - indeed, with no Patriot Act, rather more so - but we worked out, from the painful experience that no sane civilian needs to own a semi-automatic weapon. As a consequence, Australians are 10 TIMES less likely to die from a gun crime than Americans - while at the same time our armed forces are widely recognised as the finest in the world, with an expertise the US military have come to depend upon.</span></span></blockquote>
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My response:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I have a few friends in the USA who are very pro-guns. They ask me how I can possibly feel safe without a weapon to protect myself with. I carefully explain that the only reason everyone would need a gun is if everyone else has already has a gun and you're concerned they will turn their gun on you at a moments notice. In this situation, I will die whether I own a gun or not. I'm not John McClane, and when the bullets start flying there's not much that will stop me from getting killed or injured. Owning a gun does not suddenly imbue me with military training for emergency situations. It just makes me more likely to shoot myself or hurt someone else by accident.<br />
<br />
They talk about the need to protect themselves and their families in case of home invasions. I think bringing a weapon into this kind of situation only makes things more likely to escalate to deadly violence. I've seen first hand how easy it is to be disarmed by someone with a moderate amount of training. I try to talk to them about how the things in my house are just *things*. They're not important. Then they talk about their sentimental belongings. I'm pretty sure that sentiment doesn't magically imbue objects with additional resale value on the black market and the pics of your grandfather and your mums recipe books are not going to be prime targets of your average home invader. And it is statistically unlikely that anyone is going to climb into your window to rape your daughter. It's just not how these things happen.<br />
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It feels like people have been caught up in some dramatic fictional narrative about themselves and they are preparing themselves for the dramatic climax where they protect either their family or the public from some crazed gunman. There are simply not enough crazed gunmen to fulfil all the hero fantasies of all the pro-gun nuts out there.</blockquote>
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Apparently (and I don't actually remember where I read this, so take it with a grain of salt) the gunman in Colorado was a role-player. I am now waiting for the outcry against fantasy or science fiction roleplaying games on the basis that they create homicidal maniacs. I've already seen one person bring out the old violent video games trope.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-76620529360356968792012-06-26T21:15:00.001+10:002012-06-26T21:15:28.151+10:00Curb your enthusiasmI'm actually not a particularly sappy person, and I tend to keep my sentiment to myself. If I feel strong positive emotions about something I keep quiet about it. I don't need some other persons opinion ruining my happy things.<br />
<br />
But in the last few years I've learned the value of being enthusiastic and unreserved in my expressions of love for something. Things like tentacles, My Little Pony and cooking have become significant things in my life because I allowed other people to share in my happiness with me.<br />
<br />
Today was an exercise in contained glee. I received a job offer, which I have accepted, that I am very pleased about...but I don't want my current workplace to feel that I have not enjoyed my time there or that I don't feel that my time there was worthwhile. I have enjoyed it for the most part, and it has been very worthwhile. I've met some really cool people and I've done some awesome things. But I feel like it's time to move on. My current position was the beginning of my career...but I never intended to make it all of my career and it's time to find new challenges and learn new things in a different environment.<br />
<br />
The organisation I am moving to has indicated that they are planning to conduct research and publish in my field and that they want me to be a part of that process. They've indicated that my future plans of going back to uni to finish my masters is something that they will support. They want me involved in information literacy programming and seemed impressed with my proposition that information literacy should be a fundamental aspect of a holistic learning experience, not a separate and easily forgotten class held once a month in the Library. They want me to expand the learning community of the school to include parents and caregivers. And I will be the first person in this role. I am excited.<br />
<br />
But I still feel like it's disrespectful to talk too much about the new position. I want to make it clear to my current workplace that for the next three weeks I will be preparing the position I am leaving so that it is in good working order for the next 3 months in case it takes a while to fill. I want to make sure that I am committed to doing a good job in the job I am in until the day I leave. I am looking forward to the new job, but I am trying to do it in my own time.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-79956841293241683232012-06-24T21:51:00.001+10:002012-06-24T21:54:34.135+10:00These boots are made for...crushing Tokyo<br />
In my early 20's someone I cared for very much took me a little too much for granted and my health was jeopardised as a result. I got angry and I cut the abusive bitch out of my life. This felt <i>incredible</i> because up until that point I had spent an enormous amount of time making sure everyone around me was happy. Often to my own detriment.<br />
<br />
I would do some incredible mental and emotional acrobatics to try to see everyone in the best light possible. If I was being hurt I would try to look at the person who hurt me and see why the actions that were hurting me were necessary for them in some way, even to the point of blaming myself for being hurt in the first place. I don't need someone with a psych degree to tell me that's a bad idea.<br />
<br />
Since then I've cut people out a few more times. Usually they have this highly amusing reaction of utter confusion followed by a fear/rage tantrum thrown in my general direction through the careful use of bitching behind my back and pretending they've done nothing wrong.<br />
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Apparently, despite my abject fear of confrontation and my annoying level-headedness, I have a widespread reputation as a big, scary mofo. I understand this to be a fear of the unknown. Most people have never argued with me. I don't really like arguing. It's not a thing I enjoy and, like Texas hold 'em poker, after a while I get bored, stop caring and either walk away or fall asleep. So most people don't have first-hand knowledge of exactly how an argument works with me. If I confront someone about something, it is usually after having thought about it long and hard and deciding that really, it's probably not too much of an imposition to ask this person to stop doing the thing that is bugging me.<br />
<br />
Let's call this person Steve...I don't know any Steve's personally but it's a convenient name for a person you don't really like (sorry Steve). So, I'll go up to Steve and say "that thing you do, it makes me upset...here are some other options for things you could do instead. We should talk about this."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLGyhniy_ELr-nkB-4CKtQ1cl6JUBfwrf9Gjc0_PkYmlNEyLraLR3kznVAvmAYOsdRwVoaeJPKZBH1oKGz6nRtvWhl3TMip6bymIXoy-gmOAHmfNSdgVArWlUgT_D0xol360s9WReyi4/s1600/badass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLGyhniy_ELr-nkB-4CKtQ1cl6JUBfwrf9Gjc0_PkYmlNEyLraLR3kznVAvmAYOsdRwVoaeJPKZBH1oKGz6nRtvWhl3TMip6bymIXoy-gmOAHmfNSdgVArWlUgT_D0xol360s9WReyi4/s1600/badass.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
I know, right.<br />
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Though I must admit, there have been times when I have simply decided that I don't care any more. Then I'm not interested in building bridges. I don't feel the need to burn them as such, but I'm not going to sugarcoat the extent of my anger, frustration and boredom. If I feel this way it is usually best for Steve to find a new friend. Talking to me will not result in happiness and good will. It will usually result in a point by point list of the things that Steve has done to make me so incredibly ambivalent to his wellbeing. This feeling is the result of trying to fix the problem several times with no success and deciding that now is as good a time as any to just walk away.<br />
<br />
It's not that it won't end well. It's that it's already ended badly and Steve just needs to catch up.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-90780678163344573102012-05-06T15:07:00.002+10:002012-05-06T15:09:00.208+10:00The benefits of being a little kid<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoixjt8nF2hTh_5H1jk_Dd9kUXLJa6nwnzuOM0aSuSnBNb9SCyi71UzlXLFsEdOQMSpBct12gjgpiB4aC3543y5VauAngehKNnQv9UbxYqLkPYXinnJI7px-TIafFfTApc5-83u-X_Ttk/s1600/Zazzle_Cutie_Mark_Crusaders_crest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoixjt8nF2hTh_5H1jk_Dd9kUXLJa6nwnzuOM0aSuSnBNb9SCyi71UzlXLFsEdOQMSpBct12gjgpiB4aC3543y5VauAngehKNnQv9UbxYqLkPYXinnJI7px-TIafFfTApc5-83u-X_Ttk/s200/Zazzle_Cutie_Mark_Crusaders_crest.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
So, this year I am having a "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" themed birthday party and I am turning 27 years old. This is less of a confession and more of a declaration. I've always been a take-me-as-I-am kind of person, so it's not like I was ever going to ask social permission for this kind of thing. But I feel it's important to document this kind of nonsense as it occurs.<br />
<br />
The Facebook invite:<br />
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</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6pcJD4zeVsj5EvI3zS_lTdPXa8sQslH4RWHLY4GVw23glyETHChbdRw7xZvwPNvGB6WkbvUQrL8NrM5k1xxjiKBjYRnv6q7XsdSutzONd51FJCXrkxUOst7buGbG3d1tWcrsN-6_72h4/s1600/dcea178dee37a65b4614638fd4fc7e9e.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6pcJD4zeVsj5EvI3zS_lTdPXa8sQslH4RWHLY4GVw23glyETHChbdRw7xZvwPNvGB6WkbvUQrL8NrM5k1xxjiKBjYRnv6q7XsdSutzONd51FJCXrkxUOst7buGbG3d1tWcrsN-6_72h4/s200/dcea178dee37a65b4614638fd4fc7e9e.gif" width="200" /></a>To celebrate my birthday this year, and to share the magic of friendship, I am having a celebration of all things pony. To help me celebrate, and to make the event more magical, I'd like everyone to bring or wear a cutie mark representing your special talent.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>What is a cutie mark? </b>A cutie mark is an image on the branding area of a pony that depicts a significant aspect of the personality of the pony. It may indicate a special talent or something that pony is particularly known for. For more info head to the <a href="http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Cutie_mark">MLP Wiki</a></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>What kinds of cutie marks are already out there? </b><a href="http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Cutie_mark/Gallery">MLP Wiki</a> has a pretty good gallery of available cutie marks that you may want to use or adapt.
If you're not sure what your cutie mark would be, why not mention it here and get some suggestions. :)</blockquote>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJV9GABVVBygT97Zq28N3XsK2sk8VtAN6awrKhjsXWXVp1-BVBsjFj8nbWTUW3WGQz2Ej0mbPE4xqTPv41ECCJ4UwXOz-UB-zMloxtUqzLp6Vq8oJ-9seZPswFF3iwMN3q14Y2q-BWc8w/s1600/Sweetie+belle+meh.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="105" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJV9GABVVBygT97Zq28N3XsK2sk8VtAN6awrKhjsXWXVp1-BVBsjFj8nbWTUW3WGQz2Ej0mbPE4xqTPv41ECCJ4UwXOz-UB-zMloxtUqzLp6Vq8oJ-9seZPswFF3iwMN3q14Y2q-BWc8w/s200/Sweetie+belle+meh.png" width="200" /></a>The cutie-mark extravaganza was an idea than snuck into my brain many months ago. I was feeling sad and alone for whatever emo reason, and I thought of a My Little Pony Cutie Mark party as a way of celebrating all the little things that make us unique. I had tossed the idea around in my head for a while but mentally almost written it off because I just didn't feel like I should be doing this sort of thing as an Adult, and I wasn't sure anyone would actually want to indulge me.
Then I went to the 30th birthday of a friend and a whole bunch of people asked me what I was doing for my birthday. After I stopped being gobsmacked that they remembered that it was my birthday this month, I mentioned the cutie mark party as an idea and suddenly people were really enthusiastic.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ZibsIDzgXM7RXOPUA57ynG1HZC4ThlftSz4R8CSI4_4FawHcjytiXDvyPhcXwWH-kSciSwq98B80kZC-khfDPvf07aV3ZkfUYhfq6rm07ROQTxtgqW_pl-FKUYBvm5cBRY0Tx0XGTCE/s1600/pinkie+pie.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6ZibsIDzgXM7RXOPUA57ynG1HZC4ThlftSz4R8CSI4_4FawHcjytiXDvyPhcXwWH-kSciSwq98B80kZC-khfDPvf07aV3ZkfUYhfq6rm07ROQTxtgqW_pl-FKUYBvm5cBRY0Tx0XGTCE/s200/pinkie+pie.png" width="200" /></a>I think it's important to be a kid every now and again, an not to forget that. Even though work is busy and it feels like the only time you have to relax when you're at home is when you're waiting for your washing to finish in the machine.<br />
<br />
Suddenly the planning process of the party is something that I am looking forward to at home. I've been making lists of things to make and preparing myself for my Rainbow Dash birthday cake and the cutie-mark cookies. I've planned a super childish Pinkie Pie themed Guess How Many Lollies in the Jar competition and, since I lack Pinkie's wonderful Party Cannon, I'm making up small party bags that people will get when they arrive, including stickers, temporary tattoos, a party popper and other things I haven't decided on yet.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5H6yFmABQ3MsPrlz8s-IwW4a6sESebkPdRwNNbSiRwaj-XeJ55khLCyo0eM-UCKG5dMoj2jz2Ds1For8vvCNHrNNRj32VcJC4POu1KzldMxW0EMUkiXtF-BZDbr-jTeaZkjIixrFTB80/s1600/fluttershy.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5H6yFmABQ3MsPrlz8s-IwW4a6sESebkPdRwNNbSiRwaj-XeJ55khLCyo0eM-UCKG5dMoj2jz2Ds1For8vvCNHrNNRj32VcJC4POu1KzldMxW0EMUkiXtF-BZDbr-jTeaZkjIixrFTB80/s200/fluttershy.png" width="200" /></a></div>
My 27th birthday party will rock so much more than any party I had as a kid because I'm old enough and I've been through enough and I'm stressed enough and I've been sad enough now to appreciate the special level of childish glee that comes from putting up streamers, blowing up balloons and nomming fairy bread with friends and getting<i> really</i> high on sugar.<br />
<br />
This isn't the first time I've done something like this. For my 25th birthday I had a cookie party. Everyone was to bring a small tray of cookies. They didn't have to be home made, but in these things sometimes people want to expend that extra bit of effort. Some people made special home recipes, one person made a massive pizza-sized cookie, someone else made no-bake cookies in the shape of tentacles (!!!) and some people bought cookies from the Cookie Man, and they were delicious as well. My best friend at the time made me a cake with a marshmallow and snake octopus on it. It was pretty frickin' special.<br />
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Last year it was my first birthday after a fairly epic social fallout, so I kept it small and timid. This year, though. This year will be wonderful.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-62555549506989451052012-03-24T11:22:00.002+11:002012-03-24T11:25:09.863+11:00Help me, I'm feeling unstructured<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgydXV6tXMVgvO41PsCNQ8Y5kOFjxtBcTVA9F6kBrN8pjHYMBIHMZpWrgjWFfNihL3DNrEYd7HgEEl3Tqc4q9Hh-b12qvpkb0PO0NWQ8hE7sEy9_722izVYyPpBOaD61ahsEwiokWJ5c-4/s1600/mirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgydXV6tXMVgvO41PsCNQ8Y5kOFjxtBcTVA9F6kBrN8pjHYMBIHMZpWrgjWFfNihL3DNrEYd7HgEEl3Tqc4q9Hh-b12qvpkb0PO0NWQ8hE7sEy9_722izVYyPpBOaD61ahsEwiokWJ5c-4/s320/mirror.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>So, this little bit of web is the place where I say the things that I think. Often I don't think things that are particularly charitable, but I try not to write those down because I know that someone out there is going to get upset, and I'll get over what made me want to rant well before they get over how upset I made them by talking about it and it's really a lot of bother for a little bit of public venting. This is not to say that I won't make snide comments. I am only human.<br />
<br />
I haven't kept up a regular blog since I was a chronically whiny late-teen with a livejournal (which I shall not link to) and a mistaken belief that I was a beautiful and unique, albeit misunderstood, snowflake. For a while after that I posted with obsessive regularity on an online forum, but after a while I found myself less and less tolerant of people who are the source of their own problems and a flamboyantly bitchy side of my personality awoke with the kind of fire and fury that is often reserved for villains in fantasy epics. And so I left before I did too much lasting damage.<br />
<br />
However, lately I've had an urge to have my opinion heard, my feelings known about and my knowledge shared. Perhaps it is the very human narcissism that afflicts all of us, or perhaps it is because I alone am really <i>that</i> self-involved.<br />
<br />
So, in light of my fascinating personality, my roguish charms and my charming ability to turn a phrase, I am going to assume that people are honestly interested in what I have to say. So interested, in fact, that they will ask me questions, give me topics, begin a discussion with me etcetera. I will answer you, invoking the "none-of-your-business" clause of online communication as little as possible. A regularly updated blog will be born. I will grow more confident in my writing skills and and you will get the opportunity to bow down and worship at altar of my narcissism. A win-win situation if ever I saw one.<br />
<br />
So yes. Ask me the things. I will talk about them. It will be good.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-16910839101282241532012-03-19T17:47:00.002+11:002012-03-20T08:43:40.942+11:00Literary Superiority<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUDTWLQcTlt_RcmvStDuPMkTR-Jeggli8Z0BRwJHWDe9ulKXY32gBbZ3pSCUtZ-hGHvaDw0y_j1HC9nUnLv_k1GWzbQhxwdSvM18auDIxIMWM7H2oS23gaswC1jId6Tmmd_mkHVrRUyQ/s1600/SloppyFirsts-329x500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUDTWLQcTlt_RcmvStDuPMkTR-Jeggli8Z0BRwJHWDe9ulKXY32gBbZ3pSCUtZ-hGHvaDw0y_j1HC9nUnLv_k1GWzbQhxwdSvM18auDIxIMWM7H2oS23gaswC1jId6Tmmd_mkHVrRUyQ/s320/SloppyFirsts-329x500.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>So there I was, reading books like<i> <a href="http://amzn.com/0375714839">Persepolis</a></i> and <i><a href="http://amzn.com/0802797792">Mao's Last Dancer</a></i> and thinking "I'm glad I don't read brainless twaddle. I'm so much better than that".<span id="goog_2008190815"></span><span id="goog_2008190816"></span><br />
<br />
And then my <a href="http://www.foreveryoungadult.com/fya-book-club-locations/">book club</a> assigns <i><a href="http://amzn.com/0609807900">Sloppy Firsts</a></i> by Megan McCafferty as this months book. A quick scan of the blurb and I thought that all my literary concerns had come true in what appeared to be some ditsy, plastic teen girly book that doesn't address any real issues. And until 2/3 of the way through, the book did nothing to change my opinion of it. The main character, Jessica Darling, was self-absorbed, stuck-up, and whiny.<br />
<br />
I started getting angry at the author for writing such a terrible character...and then I thought about it a bit and realised that she wasn't doing it without reason. After a while the endearing nature of Jessica Darling started to shine through. She was whiny, she was self-absorbed and she was very very full of herself, but then again so was I when I was a teenager. But, just like I like to think I did, Jessica has some endearing traits. She is stuck up, but she's also incredibly intelligent. She's whiny, but until about 2/3 of the way though the book she doesn't have much opportunity to do anything about the most pressing and immediate of her issues. She's self-absorbed like any teenager, but spends most of her time thinking of her best friend. And it hit me.<br />
<br />
She's just like I was at her age.<br />
<br />
In fact, all teenagers are like this. Most people are still like this well after they stop being teenagers <i>and</i> they don't have the added benefit of being particularly entertaining for an outsider. And unlike a lot of whiny, self-absorbed, self-righteous, self-satisfied people I've met, Jessica actually goes through phases of personal growth. She makes a lot of mistakes, but she doesn't make the same one twice.<br />
<br />
On Friday night I stayed up after midnight (le gasp) finishing this book. I was disappointed. I felt that Jessica Darling still had a lot of learning to do. And I wanted to get past the stage where I was nodding my head saying "Yes! That is the way of life, young Padawan!" and get into the stage where I would be able to say "I'm so glad she learned these lessons so I didn't have to go through the trauma of doing it myself!" So I went and acquired the other 4 books in the series and stayed up reading (and exercising and dying my hair) until 5.30am. I'm about to finish the second book and she's still got a long way to go, so I guess I'll keep reading. I'm hoping she'll catch up to me soon and teach me those important life lessons about the little things that I missed while I was reading about the big things.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-16711986774900960762012-02-27T11:57:00.002+11:002012-02-27T12:03:41.285+11:00D&D in Public Libraries seminar, February 2012Last week I organised and presented at a workshop on getting Dungeons & Dragons into public libraries. I figured I'd reproduce my talk here just because apparently people liked it, and it seems sensible to share that sort of thing. I got a lovely compliment from one of the volunteers that I will share later when I stop blushing.<br />
<div id="__ss_11696579" style="width: 425px;"><strong style="display: block; margin: 12px 0 4px;"><a href="http://www.slideshare.net/PublicLibraryServices/dungeons-and-dragons-for-libraries" target="_blank" title="Dungeons and Dragons for libraries">Dungeons and Dragons for libraries</a></strong> <iframe frameborder="0" height="355" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://www.slideshare.net/slideshow/embed_code/11696579" width="425"></iframe> <br />
<div style="padding: 5px 0 12px;">View more <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/thecroaker/death-by-powerpoint" target="_blank">PowerPoint</a> from <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/PublicLibraryServices" target="_blank">PublicLibraryServices</a> </div></div>You may remember me from last year, when I presented at the R U Game symposium. Since then Ellen Forsyth and I have worked hard to bring you this workshop, showing you some of the cool things you can do with the nifty kit that HASBRO were kind enough to donate to public libraries in 2010.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Last year I explained a little about what D&D is and some of the ways you can make an in-depth program with little to no budget. Today I’m going to tell you about the things my library has done with little to no budget and about some of the things we’ve learned along the way. Hopefully by now your libraries have your own experiences to draw from as well.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">There will be 3 basic questions that you’ll need answers to if you’re going to run a D&D program for your library. First of all, you’re going to need to know what this whole thing is if you’re going to be able to talk to your patrons about how much fun it is and convince new players to give it a shot.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Second of all you’re going to need to know exactly what to do to prepare for a role playing session. How many players, how to be a dungeon master (DM) or how to find someone willing to dungeon master for you, what snacks to provide, what equipment you’ll need, what kind of space to use, and all the other little things that you only realise you need when it becomes clear you don’t have them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Thirdly, you’re going to need to know what on earth D&D has to do with libraries and literacy so that you can justify running these games to your library manager (and any crotchety busybody patrons who have set ideas about just what libraries are supposed to be about).</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Will Chan from Wizards of the Coast will be able to tell you much more than I can about D&D specifically, and you’ll hear from him in a short while, so I won't bore you with the history of D&D or the mechanics of the game.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">As librarians, we are panhandlers of stories, distributers of everyday fantasies that people read and get lost in. We give people books so that they can experience things through the authors' or the characters' eyes that would otherwise be outside their realm of experience. But the limitation with books is that you cannot change the outcome. You cannot decide that you don’t want to hero of the story to battle the main antagonist and perhaps what he’d rather do is join forces with the big bad guy and subjugate the peasant population in order to fulfil his life-long dream of building a giant statue of a dragon carved out of the bones and teeth of the innocent. It’s just not going to happen that way, whether you like it or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">With a roleplaying game, you can do this. By its nature, it situates the players within the story to act it out as participants rather than as observers. Players are required to figure out for themselves where the story should go, who they should talk to, how they will interact with each other and whether the giant dragon statue made of bones is really a good idea after all, or if perhaps they would be better served by making it out of stone instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The story can literally go anywhere. My lovely friend, Robert, who some of you will have the benefit of meeting later today, created a campaign in which a single cataclysmicly disappointing event defines the setting and simply lets his players wander around in it. They have, throughout the campaign, been married, set themselves up as saviours of the meta-races, begun to bring back the cruel dragon overlords who once ruled the lands, started a war with a small city of giants and murdered the local messiah (several times)...but apparently they've buried him in ice so if they need to they can resurrect him later. If another group of players was to enter the same campaign, there would be a vastly different story to tell. Through roleplaying games (RPG's) we give our patrons the power to make the stories instead of just reading them.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And unlike writing and publishing a book, D&D is dead cheap. You already have the rule books, so the biggest expense is already out of the way. Dice sets can be obtained from your local gaming shop for between $5 and $20 depending on just how sparkly and pretty you want your dice to be. Apart from that your main cost will be snacks, printing and promotion.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">In order to play you will need a space with a table and some comfortable chairs. You’ll need tokens to push around your map so everyone can visualise where they are. You’ll need pencils and paper in order to jot down important clues, treasure or hit points lost and you’ll need snacks. Some players are surgically adhered to their laptops and won’t be able to play without a pdf of every rulebook open at the same time and an electronic dice-roller. It’s easier not to argue, so make sure there’s a powerpoint available for them.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now, when I started running D&D in the library, it wasn’t the only thing I was new at. I’ve been gaming on and off for 10 years now but in that time I had never, ever been a DM. I was also new to libraries and library programming, so I modeled the roleplaying group on the other programs the library had on offer. Our book club, youth consultants meetings and our manga group all met on a monthly basis, so I decided that monthly would have to work. It fits in with the roster, it’s easy to plan around other activities and it’s a standard period that the teens should be used to from other activities. The only main difference between this and other teen activities was that this was held in the evening on a night the library opens late. Which means that I was on a night shift, but not available for a desk shift during that time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Also, like other activities, it was librarian-led. I chose to DM a group of new players. This was partly because of how the other activities that the library offered were modeled and partly because none of the teens knew how to play. Later, when I had to stop DMing myself due to time constraints, I handed the mantle over to the teen who had picked up the rules the quickest so that they could keep playing without me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Each month I sent a detailed story email to the group indicating who they had spoken to, what they had learned and done, who/what they’d killed and what experience and loot they had gained and the effect this had on the party. I included the failures and the botched rolls as well as the successes and triumphant moments.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">I used these emails as a way of publishing content about the game and the players in a variety of ways in the library. </span>I introduced the characters on the teen blog, pointing out their strengths and weaknesses and their personalities. I also introduced them using our printed teen newsletter. And I posted facebook notes to the group using material from the campaign to flesh out the story and hold their attention between games.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now, I’ll remind you that this was not just my first time DMing, but also my first time developing a regular teen program from scratch. It’s not perfect, and there was some trouble along the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">First off: once a month is not enough. After each game there was a collective whine from the group “But can’t we play next week?” and it was always a little sad when I had to answer “no”. Despite the emails and the facebook posts and the newsletter articles there was always a period of time at the beginning of each session where the teens tried to remember where they were up to, who they were and what on earth the main quest was all about. This means that time spent playing gets cut down dramatically as everyone reads through their character sheet again, asks questions and generally faffs about while they settle down.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They loved the story refreshers! It reminded them when the next game was on and they were written in a theatrical style so they got into the mood of the game in time to start playing. They were sent on the Friday before the Tuesday game so they had the weekend to check emails and remind their parents when they had to be picked up. If I sent it on the Monday, they didn’t read it or didn’t get it in time. If I sent it earlier, then it was too long before the game and they forgot.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">They loved seeing their game, their characters and their stories in print. They’d come into the library with some friends, they’d see the article and they’d show their friends what they’d been doing. Suddenly a bunch of geeks sitting around a table rolling dice looks cool and other people want to join in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Finally: teens can’t organise themselves. This is an unfortunate fact of life. After I let them take responsibility for their own character sheets and 3 of the 5 sheets were lost by the second session, I decided that I was going to have to lower my expectations. The one time I forgot to send out a reminder email only 2 of the 5 turned up and even then one of them was late. Because the sessions ran during the evening and tended to take me out of action for a few hours once a month I was asked if the teens would be able to run the sessions themselves so that I could have more time for the pressing concerns of day-to-day work. I put it to the teens and they said “Yes! This means we can play every second week!” and then remembered I was standing<i> right there</i> and said “but we’ll miss you, too!” And so I handed over the reigns of DM-ship to one of the teens and told him to let me know when he needed the books. And it was great. They all turned up, it was well-run, and everyone was happy. The first time. After that it just didn’t seem to be able to keep going. Without a regular time and someone stern to tell them what to do they floundered and it all fell apart.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">We’re in the process of starting the games back up again, recruiting new players to replace the ones who can’t come, sorting out a time when they can all be there. I’m still not able to run the games personally, so we’re looking for an outside DM who can run the games and let me know what needs doing behind the scenes.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">So, what tips can I give based on what I’ve learned?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">First off, remind players where they’re up to in advance of the game. This should reduce the amount of time wasted at the beginning of a session playing catch up.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Keep players on track. A little joking around and being silly is fine. It is a game, after all. But don’t’ spend too much time making half-orc jokes when you should be saving the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Be flexible. If one of your players wants to do or craft something and you don’t’ know the rule for it. you have 2 options. First, you can rummage through the rule books, look up the tables and work out the best skill check to apply and what modifiers should be used and how much money it shoud cost, thoroughly disrupting the game and dedicating an unwarranted amount of time to a single player with an esoteric and ultimately pointless customisation. OR…you can wing it. Take a guess and it’ll probably all work out okay. Then get back to the game.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Provide food and drinks. Especially if the game goes for more than 2 hours. People are going to start getting hungry, and there’s been many an epic roleplaying session that’s been railroaded by everyone deciding to stop and get lunch. Things never quite get back on track after that. So provide some food, or order pizza if it’s a big one-day event. That way you can eat and keep playing and the world doesn’t have to stop just because the group gets the munchies. Careful with the caffeine, though, or pretty soon even the most mundane of failed rolls will devolve into gigglefits.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Be theatrical. You can tell the story like you’re calling roll in 'Ferris Beuller’s Day Off', or you can inject some life into it. Most of you will have done children’s storytime before, and you’re basically using the same skills. When there’s a bear that attacks in the middle of the night, don’t say “it roars”, actually roar and scare the bejesus out of the group. If a player is wounded, don’t just say “you take 5 points of damage”, say “he thrusts the point of his spear into your chest, but you turn at the last second and it’s deflected by your armour and scrapes under your shield arm. You’re hit, but it’s not nearly as bad as it could have been! Take 5 damage”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Which leads to the last point. Have fun. Yeah, I know it’s work, but who says work can’t be fun? If you’re DMing and you’re not having fun, chances are your players aren’t having fun either. They’re probably bored or distracted or confused about what’s going on. So laugh with them, make friends with your patrons and enjoy yourself.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">Now…all this talk of “having fun” is probably making you think that D&D is not serious business. And in the back of our minds we’re all thinking “Our focus right now needs to be on the NYR2012. I don’t have time to do frivolous programming right now. Fun sounds all well and good, but what’s it got to do with libraries?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">The answer: D&D satisfies our literacy requirements more than you would think. Hands up who has tried to decipher the core rule books. Now keep your hand up if you can honestly say you know the rules. (at this point only the volunteer Dungeon Masters kept their hands up) These books are <i>hard</i> to read, and yet kids with comparatively low literacy levels will sit and pore over them for hours. You know what they’re doing? They’re making characters by combining information from several sources. They’re putting forward an argument about why their character should be able to shapeshift as a free action while referencing the rule books and citing their sources. They’re learning to skim read for relevant keywords. They’re learning how to use books.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US">And I’m not the only person who writes down the exploits of my party. I write comparatively little about my campaigns compared to some. A friend started a facebook blog about the exploits of his party from the perspective of his character, making sure to leave out the information that his character didn’t know, making certain to include his characters opinions of the situation and the other characters. Another friend has written literally thousands of pages of text from his 10 year campaign giving details of exactly who did what, where, how and to whom. People want to tell these stories. And as libraries, you should be there for it.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-81111157205130946012012-02-19T13:52:00.008+11:002012-02-20T11:58:40.612+11:00Thoughts on the concept of evolution and public libraries<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_hd9Jgc3L3XxbAGA4v7WzMMTfNNvbI76tH3pPc0BEfa5A7iahJxUaHOvNq5JTwoEN5z6ASfLZbDlL3kML840Bd5Vb8n8HfeYzQ2Yh6GdJr5o5QLNaVQcpXuA45MrPAo6xXaiwKZN4zA/s1600/tumblr_lzkpucsvIL1rnde1eo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_hd9Jgc3L3XxbAGA4v7WzMMTfNNvbI76tH3pPc0BEfa5A7iahJxUaHOvNq5JTwoEN5z6ASfLZbDlL3kML840Bd5Vb8n8HfeYzQ2Yh6GdJr5o5QLNaVQcpXuA45MrPAo6xXaiwKZN4zA/s320/tumblr_lzkpucsvIL1rnde1eo1_500.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>I like this image. It speaks to me, and not in an atheist way. Mostly in an organisational way. It highlights things that I've noticed more and more in my professional life. This post is going to start with some (very basic) biology as a framework for understanding my own disillusionment with the way that many organisations react to changes in their environments.<br />
<br />
Living with an ecologist, I tend to hear about a lot of the interesting things that are coming up in science-land, and I tend to h<span style="font-family: inherit;">ear the rants about people who misunderstand the concept of evolution, which is sort of the backbone of a lot of biological and ecological studies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">According to </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution" style="font-family: inherit;">Wikipedia</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, "Evolution is </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">any change</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Evolution is any change across successive generations in the heritable characteristics of biological populations" (emphasis mine). I added the emphasis because there is absolutely no stipulation that these changes are positive or negative, good or bad. Darwin said the survival of the most fit. He didn't mean the organism that was most capable of lifting weights or running long distances, he meant the organism that had adapted to its environment the most successfully was the most likely to survive long enough to reproduce its genetic material to the next generation, who would, presumably, have certain characteristics of this successful progenitor.</span><br />
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People talk about evolution in an organisational context and they tend to refer to evolution as a linear process of picking up the newest technologies or the best platforms and that, in itself will be an evolution. To an extent, they are right. But I think it is more than that.<br />
<br />
I think that for an organisation to evolve, that the changes need to fill a niche. That the organisation, much like the successful creature, needs to have an adaptation that will allow it to successfully exploit its environment. The organism that mutates without any benefit will gradually be bred out of the local gene pool, and the organisation that wastes resources on filling a niche that isn't there will gradually either waste away, or realise its mistakes. That's evolution.<br />
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I think it's occurring to me, after going to the <a href="http://www.sl.nsw.gov.au/services/public_libraries/professional_development_events/events/futures_forum_2012.html">Public Libraries Futures Forum</a> that perhaps Public Libraries are doing just that. We're still the go-to place for a particular generation of people when it comes to media consumption, but the perceived value of the library is diminishing as people are able to retrieve, consume and store media in their own homes without having to sign up for a library card, without having to talk to some harassed person at a service desk and really without having to leave their chair/bed/beanbag at home. So the question becomes: if public librarians, as information professionals, are not considered valuable as people who can store, retrieve and supply subsidised media, then what are we valuable for? Is there a niche that we can fill as well as we used to fill that one? How can we, as a profession, use our skills and expertise to make ourselves invaluable in our community and ensure the continued success of our organisations? What do we have that no-one else has?<br />
<br />
The three speakers at the futures forum answered that question for us in very similar ways. <a href="http://jasongriffey.net/">Jason Griffey</a> suggests that libraries have the opportunity to subsidise physical objects (not just books) and <a href="http://ulo.tricho.us/">Eli Neiburger</a> says something similar. They suggest that 3D printers, telescopes and other physical technologies that individuals do not need every day, but that they do have a need for sometimes, may fit the bill for future library exploits. But that's a continued use for the space. What about a continued use for us as people? Well, Both these guys, as well as the third speaker from <a href="http://www.guinness-storehouse.com/en/Index.aspx">Guinness Storehouse</a> suggested that we have local content. We are in a unique position in our local communities to preserve things that no-one else gives a damn about right now, but that becomes invaluable to fleshing out the history and the personality of our place over time.<br />
<br />
But honestly? History <i>bores the crap</i> out of me. I would prefer to take on the third suggestion by Eli that we use our resources to provide experiences, services and content to the lives of the people we are here to serve.<br />
<br />
What do you think we should do? How can we evolve so that we fill the niche and can best exploit and utilise the available resources?<br />
<br />
The presentations I mention were not recorded, however similar presentations were done by each of these speakers at VALA2012 where they were recorded (hooray!).<br />
<br />
Jason Griffey:<a href="http://www.vala.org.au/vala2012-proceedings/vala2012-plenary-1-griffey"> Libraries and the post-PC era</a><br />
Eli Neiburger:<a href="http://www.vala.org.au/vala2012-proceedings/vala2012-plenary-6-neiburger">Access, schmaccess: libraries in the Age of Information Ubiquity</a><br />
Ebilhin Roche:<a href="http://www.vala.org.au/vala2012-proceedings/vala2012-plenary-5-roche">Guinness Archive: unlocking the potential of an iconic global brand</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-46669880775113492862010-08-23T20:09:00.000+10:002010-08-23T20:09:58.328+10:00Busy busy busySo it's been a while since I last posted. I'd be more apologetic if it hadn't been for the massive amounts of fun I've been having (interspersed with some pretty traumatic moments as well) and how I'm not going to let you rain on my proverbial.<br />
<br />
I've been seeing some interesting, entertaining and downright beautiful things at the Sydney Opera House lately, and I plan to continue this new trend when the <a href="http://www.sydneyoperahouse.com/fodi2010/festivalofdangerousideas.aspx">Festival of Dangerous Ideas</a> comes out this October. Most recently I was lucky enough to acquire tickets to see <a href="http://www.stephenfry.com/">Stephen Fry</a> give <a href="http://play.sydneyoperahouse.com/index.php/Talks/stephen_fry.html">an entertaining talk</a> and to see<a href="http://www.neilgaiman.com/"> Neil Gaiman</a> read his story, '<i><a href="http://play.sydneyoperahouse.com/index.php/graphic/neil-gaiman-the-truth-is-a-cave-in-the-black-mountains.html">The Truth is a Cave in the Black Mountains</a></i>' accompanied by <a href="http://www.fourplay.com.au/">FourPlay</a> string quartet and images by <a href="http://eddiecampbell.blogspot.com/">Eddie Campbell</a>. Prior to that there was the <a href="http://www.ayo.com.au/Content/Page.aspx?CID=1">Australian Youth Orchestra</a>, though I admit that I was fairly exhausted throughout that one and may have had a small kip in the third movement of the final piece (don't tell anyone).<br />
<br />
I've also been working hard at the new job. I've been gaming, beading, cutting, pasting, reading, catering, planning and purchasing my way to being the best darn youth librarian I can be, hence the exhaustion during the AYO concert). Even as I type I'm supervising some HSC students studying noisily for their exams during one of the HSC lock-ins that my library has started to hold recently, and on the inside I'm panicking about not having gone to pick up the paraphernalia I need for my youth project tomorrow afternoon.<br />
<br />
This fanservice for the Sydney Opera House has been brought to you by that feeling after business-hours when you have all that stuff to do but no-one else is at work and you can't get it done.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-19277246144058059102010-06-13T16:05:00.002+10:002010-06-13T16:05:49.465+10:00Royal National Park<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/60555355@N00/4694720749/" title="photo sharing"><img alt="" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4036/4694720749_8b563b6f64_m.jpg" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/60555355@N00/4694720749/">Picture 319</a> <br />
Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/60555355@N00/">Asaryu</a></span><br />
Here's the photos I took from my wonderful walk with my house mate and a mutual friend at the Royal National Park.<br />
<br />
Caught the ferry to Bundeena from Cronulla and walked for a long time. The views were pretty spectacular so I thought I would share them. :)<br />
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The rest of the photos are in my flickr set <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/60555355@N00/sets/72157624262666110/">here</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-17213378831662553542010-05-05T18:13:00.000+10:002010-05-05T18:13:11.289+10:00Libpunk<a href="http://libpunk.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://libpunk.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/header.jpg" tt="true" width="195" /></a><br />
So, I'm not really up there with blog etiquette at this stage, and I'm not sure how useful it is for a blog with all of 3 readers to link to this stuff, but I'm pretty darn excited and that's what matters, and it's my blog quite frankly and I'll do what I bloody-well like.<br />
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<a href="http://libpunk.info/">Lib punk.</a> It's like someone saw me coming and made up a movement just because they knew I'd have a pretty low supply of hope and it'd cheer me up. Or I'm just that much of a narcissist.<br />
Before you enthusiastically jump off to the Libpunk website, read this little history from <a href="http://librariansmatter.com/blog/2010/04/26/libpunk-doing-it-for-itself/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+LibrariansMatter+%28Librarians+matter%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">Librarians Matter</a> to get you started and decide if it's something that'll trigger all your OCD buttons, or if it'll rock your proverbial socks off.<br />
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Have fun!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-5577853145725229872010-04-30T11:20:00.000+10:002010-04-30T11:27:48.477+10:00Progress...or notSo...I went to the postgraduate info evening last night. I was expecting to answer questions, but my supervisor stuck me right in it when he said that I could give a short talk about my "Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll approach to information research"...I wasn't about to start rattling off Chapman's information poverty and theories of small worlds, or Wilson's 2001 model of information behaviour, or Dervin's ever-evolving theories of sense-making to explain why I like to research the people that society doesn't like to acknowledge.<br /><br />So I told them about my pilot project from 2008, and I told them that I was given the opportunity to present the research at RAILS, and that the support you're given in your coursework is better than any work placement, and that I was working full time as a librarian without even having graduated yet and that the staff are supportive and understanding, and that you are given everything you need to get a High Distinction (A+...actually requires your work being marked and verified as outstanding by 2 seperate senior professors, for you Americans) and all you need to do is the work.<br /><br />I dont think my supervisor realised that after the terrible time I had in my undergraduate at Macquarie that I was a UTS evangelist.<br /><br />I also talked privately to my supervisor, and I may be able to withdraw from this semester without penalty. Since stalker boy has been on the scene for most of this semester, and I'm 7 weeks behind and suffering the physical manifestations of stress (bad skin, not eating, not sleeping enough, sudden weight loss, the desire not to go to work etcetera) that all I have to do is talk to the counciller and I can just fill out a form and withdraw from this semester without financial or academic penalty. It's a weight off my mind, and now that I have a steady full time permenant job the need to finish the Masters ASAP is a lot less significant, so I can take my time with it and do it properly instead of rushing through things and doing them half-assed cos I don't have the money or an idea of my schedule from week to week...not to mention that next semester I'll be doing it with a different 2nd academic supervisor who might be more stable and available when it comes to helping out with the project. I might also, with the scope of the new job, be able to work my project into my workplace and be able to work on it during my work time instead of only doing it at the times when I am not at my peak...whcih means that I'll have the same advantages as my Masters colleagues instead of being disadvantaged by doing a research-based project instead of a practice-based one.<br /><br />Even if I can't, at least I'll be getting useful contacts in the surrounding industries, which will be useful for project as well as for work and life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-64166145718585526292010-04-29T06:58:00.000+10:002010-04-29T07:48:15.350+10:00the victimIt's almost 7am, I got plenty of sleep and I'm getting ready for work at a job I love with people I get along really well with at a place that is both convenient and beautiful. So why don't I want to go to work?<div><br /></div><div>Because I am a victim.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is a young man at work who has decided I am his friend and is either utterly misreading or thoroughly taking advantage of the fact that I am trapped in a service position and I am a naturally friendly and gregarious person. He has sent me inappropriate materials, he has been attempting to make personal contact with me for about 6 weeks, 2 of which I was on holidays where he would ask other staff where I was, and has been positioning himself in the library to either watch me at the desk or to monitor my comings and goings from the workroom.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other day he was observed packing up and leaving the library immediately after I went home and it was suspicious enough that I was informed by my colleagues. This is the point that I decided to talk to the manager. She informed the three college managers (including the manager for security) and measures have been taken to make sure I'm safe. I now have my housemate (who has been a gem) picking me up from work, and on the late shift I call security so that they can keep an eye out for the over-enthusiastic guy. I have been offered a security escort to and from my vehicle (the bus)... and most of all: I have become a victim.</div><div><br /></div><div>I became a victim at the point where I was no longer free to move about during my day without assistance and accountability. I have a series of people who need to be informed when I go home, and I have to report all contact with this guy - even contact made when he is borrowing and returning materials - so that other people may monitor the situation. I have a series of people monitoring my situation. I keep records of all email correspondence from him and I try not to go to the main floor when he is there unless I am working on the front desk. I no longer do desk shifts upstairs alone.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand and appreciate that my concerns have been taken seriously and that my safety at work is of such importance - even though I'm leaving in less than 2 weeks to work in another library - and that the administrators of the college would rather put the expense into playing it safe than wait for me to report to being followed home or accosted. I know that I am not being punished, and I know that I am not at fault. But I also know that the reporting of the experiences has meant a lack of freedom and an understanding that I am not able to deal with this issue on my own. In this place and at this time I am powerless to affect my situation and I am no longer solely responsible for my safety.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think I understand now why, when I was younger and I was more easily taken advantage of, I did not report my co-worker who would make me uncomfortable at work, follow me home and try to grope me. My job was my freedom and my family's sole source of non-government income and I must have known that being a victim would cause me more problems than having a creep for a co-worker.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand why I never reported the guy who would send me inappropriate images he had made with my head attached to them demonstrating what he would like to do to (definitely not <i>with</i>) me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand why I never reported the guy who I was dating who forced himself on me without giving me the chance to say no. And who later tried to strangle me when I told him unpleasant truths about the nature of his mental and emotional abuse in the relationship.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand why I never made a fuss about the guy who would follow me around work trying to talk to me and make contact with me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I understand why so many abuses that women go through are not reported and why they will never factor in to the statistics we use to determine how safe women are at work.</div><div><br /></div><div>These women don't want to be victims.</div><div><br /></div><div>I honestly don't know how my situation could be dealt with without the punishing of the socially awkward nerd who comes into the library and will do anything to be your friend and who may not realise that he's being inappropriate or that you're simply a nice person and that the connection is all in his head. But I wish there was a way for women to report fear and abuse without having to become victims.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-25322423606525165222009-10-05T22:58:00.000+11:002009-10-05T23:04:11.407+11:00Cool things I've been reading<a href="http://www.feministing.com/archives/016562.html">http://www.feministing.com/archives/016562.html</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200907-omag-adult-sex-education">http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200907-omag-adult-sex-education</a><br /><br />What Is Sex and Why Does It Matter? A Motivational Approach to Exploring Individuals' Definitions of Sex - from the Journal of Sex Research, Volume 44, Issue 3 July 2007 , pages 256 - 268<br /><br /><a href="http://www.publish.csiro.au/paper/PY04014.htm">http://www.publish.csiro.au/paper/PY04014.htm</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.durex.com/EN-GB/SEXUALWELLBEINGSURVEY/INTHEBEDROOM/pages/default.aspx">http://www.durex.com/EN-GB/SEXUALWELLBEINGSURVEY/INTHEBEDROOM/pages/default.aspx</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/services/bib-methods.html">http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/services/bib-methods.html</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-60242061509128702332009-09-20T19:20:00.000+10:002009-09-20T20:29:18.344+10:00Sex and the gym.I always felt a certain amount of scorn for people who went to the gym to pick up. We have all seen that sad image of a woman going to the gym in a push-up bra, jewellery and make-up, trying not to look flustered as she struggles with the rowing machine or flirts outrageously with the gym instructor. Or the mental image of the guy doing more weights than he really should, but struggling on to impress someone with how strong he is.<br /><br />One of the reasons I find these individuals so worthy of my scorn and derision is that I feel a certain amount of empathy with them. I think my gym instructor is cute, and if I had the confidence I'd pinch his ass, smile coyly and give him my phone number. But I don't. Cos I'm unfit, have a jiggly waistline and I am surrounded by people who are fitter and prettier than me who have firmer tummies, can last longer on the treadmill and can lift heavier weights. If anyone in that place is going to get the gym instructors attention, it certainly isn't going to be me (unless I fall off something, but I'm not willing to risk it). So I hide under baggy gym clothes and I heap disdain upon those who would openly acknowledge the fact that the gym is a precursor<em> to </em>hot, sweaty, pneumatic sex.<br /><br />There are an enormous amount of reasons not to go to the gym. For one thing: when you start, you're red-faced and puffing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">exhaustedly</span> while everyone else is still sprinting on the treadmill as though they are only just warming up. You're going because you recognise that your body and your health needs improvement...but in order to do that, you have to expose your pudgy cellulite to the world in tight-fitting stretch-pants and flab-exposing sports-bras that feel too tight among all the people who are fitter, younger and prettier than you.<br /><br />This is where gyms like Curves come in. Women only, for people who are trying to get in shape, but who are not gym-junkies. So they can hide from people who they think would look at them with derision, and so that they don't get hit on (or worse, <em>not</em> hit on) while they are at the point where they feel the least attractive in their lives.<br /><br />Then again...some people go the opposite direction.<br /><br />I just came across an advertisement on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Facebook</span> for a group called <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lesbifit</span>. For lesbians who want to work out with other lesbians. This site confused me for a moment. I mean...women go to same sex gyms to avoid getting hit on...right?<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hahahahah</span>!<br /><br />Wrong.<br /><br />Women go to Curves for the same reasons I wear baggy gym clothes and avoid eye contact. To avoid <em>not</em> being hit on. So that when I'm red-faced and extremely conscious of my jiggly bits moving around I don't have the added pressure of trying to be attractive as well.<br /><br />From what I can tell, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Lesbifit</span> works on the assumption that lesbian women do not consume other women in the same ways that men consume women. There's a phrase I remember from my days as a Cultural Studies undergraduate. Men look at women and women look at men looking at women. So lesbian women apparently just don't look. It plays on the idea of love between two women being based on something 'deeper' and less physical than heterosexual love....and it's a presumption about same-sex love that I found interesting...and mildly insulting. It's not just same-sex love...it's female lust. Women don't create objects of desire through the act of looking, apparently. Women don't look at someone and want to fuck them. Women are 'safe', even same-sex attracted women are safe because apparently lesbians don't look at other women and want to touch them. They look at other women and want to form a deep emotional and spiritual connection with them.<br /><br />As a woman, the assumption is insulting. As a student, the assumption is interesting and warrants further analysis. :-PAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-59249921949475159842009-09-06T21:37:00.000+10:002009-09-07T18:29:00.592+10:00What on Earth am I doing?I’ve been a bit wishy-washy in trying to figure out exactly what it is that interests me most and trying to turn it into something resembling a research topic. This blog post is primarily a brainstorming exercise to figure out what it is out of the things I’ve been reading that interests me the most, and I’m going to do a point form thing with a little description of my interests to go with it.<br /><br /><strong>1. Sex Education Agendas</strong><br />Who is doing the teaching, and what are they trying to say? There are some really obvious ones, like the Abstinence programs, but what about the other ones? I was viewing a website for a recent NSW Sexual Health initiative (<a href="http://www.gettested.com.au/">http://www.gettested.com.au/</a>) that was encouraging people to get tested for STI’s and to ‘play safe’ (whatever that means). Now, the agenda on this one is simple, it wants people to get STI tests, and it wants people to use condoms…but how does it go about that, and what assumptions about sex and the people who do it does it make?<br /><br /><strong>2. Assumptions Regarding Gender in Sex Education</strong><br />Highlighted breifly in my most recent post is the notion of gender in sex education. What assumptions are made about women and men and the roles they play? What expectations do sex education programs give to young people regarding gender and their own future roles in relationships? Whose responsibility is it to bring out the condom, and who is going to be the aggressor? Is a woman who enjoys and actively seeks sexual encounters a ‘slut’, and is a man in the same situation actually represented positively? How are women taught to think of men in this context, and how are men taught to think of women? Do these assumptions have any greater impact beyond the immediate educational situation, or are they only relevant as a teaching mechanism?<br /><br /><strong>3. Adult Sex Information</strong><br />What information do experienced people seek regarding sex? How is information for adults presented? In this regard, I’m rather fond of the term ‘experienced practitioner’. It lends a certain amount of integrity to the sexual act, and to the people who are seeking to learn more about it, with just a little behind-the-hand titter at polite society by talking about sex in such an ironic way. It also looks at sex as something that we practice, something that you gain experience in and something that people, in fact, do for a living. What information for adults is there? Do people feel better after reading the cosmopolitan guide to how to give your boyfriend a better blowjob? What sex information is available for men? As a woman, I’m more exposed (tee hee) to information designed for women, but my first exposure to sex was a couples sexual recipe book that was designed to give ideas and provide stimulus (chortle) for couples erotic play. It was written for couples, but I suspect it had women particularly in mind. Where do adults go if they need help? Do they go to their friends?; do they go to the (IMHO awful) womens magazines?; do they talk to a doctor, a pharmacist, psychologist, (gods forfend) their partner? Recently listening to a live radio program on triple j about sexual communication indicated that people simply don’t talk to their partners about things that trouble them sexually. If not, why not? What are they risking by talking, and what are they risking by staying silent? What do the creators of adult sex information think that adults want to know, and what does this say about the sex information industry (cos I’m pretty sure it says more about the people writing the material than it is likely to say about the adults reading it)?<br /><br /><strong>4. Pornography as an informtion product.</strong><br />Now, I’ve heard from more than one source that apparently people find out sex information from porn. Is this true, or is it simply people assuming that someone out there (who is obviously not nearly as clever as them) is looking at porn for hints and techniques to avoid the pizza delivery bill and give great head? Despite what some people think, I’ve only ever seen one pornographic film (an R-rated one, I think) and it left me uninspired and a little bored. I was intrigued as to how they were planning on bringing the dispirate elements of the plot together in order to save the little whore-house from destitution, but lost interest enough to turn it off before it ended since it was increasingly apparent that my curiosity wasn’t the only thing that was going to be left unsatisfied that evening. So my foray into viewing pornography a few years ago was not a well of information on what people seek when looking at porn. Yes, they want to be aroused by the video, but are they learning anything at the same time, and if they are, is it sticking? Are people learning bad (or good) habits from porn, or is it just that they might like to blame porn for their bad (or good) habits later down the track when they are being asked about it? Are we so accustomed to blaming the media for every misconception that we have that porn is copping it for not showing more condoms, pillow talk and STI testing?<br /><br /><br />That’s all I can think of for now, but rest assured dear reader (I think there’s one of you at the moment), I will update with any more ideas that spring to mind later when I’ve had a good rest.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-25999602182042669172009-08-28T19:58:00.000+10:002009-08-28T22:29:19.862+10:00What are we thinking?!Yes, I know I was supposed to write one about safe sex toys...but I got enraged by something before I could. <a href="http://tinynibbles.com/">Violet Blue</a> has written an <a href="http://www.tinynibbles.com/unsafe">extremely informative article</a> about the dangers of sex toys and other interesting fun-facts over at her website, tinynibbles.com<br /><br />After reading <a href="http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/archives/2009/08/coitus_interruptus.html">this particularly enraging blog post</a> on the <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/">SHM website</a>,, I decided that this attitude warrants a blog post.<br /><br /><strong>1. Why on Earth are the only two 'guilty parties' discussed women and "Hollywood" (and by Hollywood, she means hetero porn)?</strong><br /><br />It takes 2 (or more) people to transmit an STI. Perhaps the male role in pregnancy should be addressed? Both parties are equally at risk of being infected, and both parties are equally responsible for their own safety and the safety of their partner. If either party thinks that it is possible that they, or their partner, could have an STI, then it should be discussed like adults. Yes, women need to take responsibility for their bodies, but men have an equal responsibility not to cause harm to a sexual partner.<br /><br />It's a constant double-standard that is seen in both people's attitudes and the structure of Australian sexual health education. Women bear the most burden from an unhappy encounter, and so it's a woman's fault if she is harmed. Women who have to learn self-defense, and a woman who has to carry the burden of a reduced sex-drive and a schedule revolving around tiny tablets that results from the pill and other forms of non-barrier birth control.<br /><br />It takes a perverse culture of silence and sexual anxiety for the notion of sexual communication to be a novel idea. Surely you should be at least on talking terms with your sexual partner in order to be bumping uglies with them...right? Even if it's just to let the partner know what you like. No wonder one-night-stands are almost universally reported to be underwhelming non-events.<br /><br /><strong>2. The article seems to legitimise the "I don't like wearing a condom" excuse.</strong><br /><br />At the same time as pointing the finger at women for not forcing a sexual partner to wear a condom, the article brushes over the issues actually raised by her male friends concerns.<br /><br />"'I don't want to have to get out a condom when the times comes but, by the same token, how am I going to ask her to get tested? It would take all the romance out of the equation,' he said."<br /><br />You know what's really not romantic? Open sores on your junk, herpes, syphilis, chlamydia or gonorrhea. Suck it in and be a man. Besides, looking out for your and your partners health is probably the most romantic thing you can do. It shows you care about them, and you are a responsible, thinking, rational adult. Hell...the second most romantic thing my partner says to me is "I'll go get a condom," falling just behind "I love you and I want to make you happy".<br /><br />"I don't like wearing a condom" is a absolutely shitty excuse to put yourself or someone else at risk. You don't like condoms? Well I hope you like syphilis, fatherhood and an intermittently itchy crotch...or even the knowledge that because of you, your partner contrated an STI that rendered her sterile.<br /><br />You'll need more than a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates to make up for that one.<br /><br />On another note, you don't like wearing a condom? Cry me a river. I don't like crippling period pain, mood swings, weight gain and reduced libido that result in my taking the pill. I win.<br /><br /><strong>3. You're blaming Hollywood? Seriously?</strong><br /><br />Every time someone makes a bad decision, out comes the blame hollywood/video-games/television/internet trope. Aren't we sick of delegating our decision-making to popular culture yet?<br /><br />Granted, the news article regarding the Aids Healthcare Foundation issuing complaints to pornography companies is informative and relevant, but it could have warranted a post on its own without all this finger-pointing at women and blaming Hollywood for ditsy women having unprotected one-night-stands.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-54019361228688459012009-08-18T00:26:00.000+10:002009-08-18T01:49:00.752+10:00Interesting news links and I get a little rantyI'd like to thank my friend, who shall remain nameless, for linking me to some interesting articles over the last week.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.smh.com.au/national/take-a-good-look--this-picture-might-soon-be-banned-20090814-el6w.html">Take a Good Look, This Picture Might Soon be Banned</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/kids/a-lot-more-to-learn-than-where-babies-come-from-20090811-eg6l.html?page=1">A Lot More to Learn than Where Babies Come From</a><br /><br />Alas, I am still working on the post about safer sex...I keep getting sidetracked by other things that interest/enrage me.<br /><br />For one thing, I've been reading an article about categorisation...and while I'm sure it's interesting and all that, when I read it I can't help but think of all the trouble sexual labels have caused. This is particularly true of the bisexual label...where a blanket label is given for all people who are attracted to both genders, regardless of the nuances of that attraction. What a lot of people don't seem to grasp is that it's a lot more complicated than the label would have you think. The label itself is almost a falsehood. For me, and my own experiences, even the concept of the binary gender is at best frustratingly inadequate and at worst insulting. And the only way there seems to be to combat it is with the judicious application of more labels. A taxonomy of human sexuality that restricts us further instead of opening us up to exploration and genuine understanding.<br /><br />While I rail against the term "bisexual" because I find it too broad a term that misrepresents such a large portion of the population, I love the term "queer" because it represents and celebrates these same differences. I think it's in the pride.<br /><br />Bisexuals are, by the wide-ranging applications of the term, a diaspora. While you might be only a little attracted to the same sex, you might also be only a little attracted to the opposite sex, but the term implies a degree of equality. Bisexuals are often seen as people who simply haven't made a choice yet, who haven't grown up and decided which team to bat for. People who take support from the queer community while accessing all the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">privileges</span> of the straight community. They belong everywhere and are welcomed nowhere.<br /><br />I remember talking with a male friends mother, and being told that he and I would make the perfect couple...but that I would have to stop being a bisexual, as "he wouldn't stand for that sort of thing". As though it was a life choice, and that I should grow up, switch it off and be sensible.<br /><br />I have been told by family that my interactions with women make me a lesbian, despite my committed relationship to a charming young man. I have been told that my sexuality makes me an unfit <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">role model</span> for children. I have been told that I should be ashamed of myself. I have been told a lot of things, and most of them were distinctly unpleasant or carried with them some ignorantly offensive undertones.<br /><br />And it all boils down to labels. I underwent a period of self-discovery when I was 17 and learning to live on my own. One of the things I discovered was how I felt about the same sex. Grasping for something to help me make sense of it all, I stumbled upon the label "Bisexual" and I brandished it as a shield to protect me. I held it up when the people I thought were friends distanced themselves from me, worried about what my new label might mean for them. Instead of doing what I wanted to, I adapted to other peoples impressions of this absurdly inadequate label. I liked girls, true. But I had only been with guys. Did that make me straight? I had only understood my sexuality up to that point as it related to men, and like most young women with low self-esteem, I all too easily allowed the male gaze to define me. I performed my sexuality instead of living it. I paraded it around for the men I cared for to play with...I used my sexuality as an asset, a feather in my peacocks tail. I performed the label and conformed to it, instead of using the label as a tool to describe me I used the label to hold me, to box me in and restrict me.<br /><br />To this day I have not had a positive and healthy relationship with a woman, and in hindsight, I wish I had never heard the term bisexual.<br /><br />I digress.<br /><br />Back to my readings I fear, and soon the promised post.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-50792852700051266272009-08-14T14:59:00.000+10:002009-08-14T15:52:06.185+10:00The missing linkI'm still listening to the same podcast, and I've come across a couple of episodes that tie in very heavily with my pilot research from last year and bridge a few gaps between my research last year and the new topic I am thinking of pursuing.<br /><br />The episode of particular interest is about sex education, from the perspective of a non-agenda not-for-profit sex education facility in San Francisco. An interview with <a href="http://violetblue.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=82943#">Alan <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Zimbardo</span></a>. This link is to an audio podcast, and shouldn't be listened to publicly at work. It's extremely informative, but talks about some controversial issues and uses a some coarse language to describe sexual acts.<br /><br />My pilot research last <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">semester</span> was on sense-making of recreational drug users. How does a drug user make sense of their practices when they have been told for such a long time that drugs are bad for them and that they are harming themselves and others with their usage. the main results I found were that the two individuals that I researched were significantly more informed about their drug use than our drug education system gives them credit for. Large amounts of research was undertaken into the effects and the safest ways to experiment with their drugs of choice, and safe environments were sought out. There was a significant theme of emotional safety when taking a new drug, and trusting the person who provided it, and the people they were with while under its influence. I think a similar link can be made between drug use and sex in that respect.<br /><br />The podcast itself actually made the link between drug use and safer sex practices, particularly because of this "just say no" attitude that, now that it is out there in the main stream and is a part of heteronormative practice, is actually a rather dangerous message to have. I think the podcast was from 2006, but at that time a survey was done on American heterosexual couples that indicated that 80% of Americans didn't use a condom during their last sexual encounter. They may talk about it during an anonymous survey, but there is a stigma attached to sex without a condom that means that people who practice it are not talking about it. By not talking about it, they aren't accessing the information required to make sensible decisions about alternative methods of birth control and STD prevention.<br /><br />They actually made mention of the Australian safe sex (AIDS, I think) message of Talk Test and Trust, indicating that it is a positive message that fosters trust in relationships as well as safer sex practices.<br /><br />I think there is an important distinction between "safe sex" and "safer sex" that needs to be defined. While "safe sex" indicates a foolproof and certain level of safety that no birth control method can supply (particularly with the rather unethical behaviours of sex novelty companies that use products that can disintegrate toys and condoms over time while failing to inform the layperson of the dangers), the idea of "safer sex", to me, speaks of informed sexual practices aimed to promote healthy emotional, physical and psychological decisions. This encompasses disease prevention, attitudes towards sex, relationship counselling and other important decisions that affect the whole range of sexual experiences. From missionary style sex to how to safely hoist a sub 5 feet in the air using a series of ropes and pulleys to which lube to use if your <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">susceptible</span> to yeast infections to which birth control method is going to be most appropriate for you given your lifestyle and medical history. I like the term "safer sex" because it is so much more holistic in its attitudes to sex. It's not just about AIDS preventions and making sure your teenage kids don't get pregnant. It's about positive attitudes to sex and sexuality and about respecting alternative sexual practices to your own.<br /><br />This whole distinction is a large part of my identity as a researcher as well. I don't feel that it is my place to tell people what it is they should be doing, but to make them more informed about the risks and benefits of the practices they may employ. That's the results of my pilot research that affected me the most significantly, and it's a lesson I want to carry with me through to my Masters research as well.<br /><br />Hopefully I can pursue this new topic of interest further as it has motivated me far more than my previous one, and I'm actively looking and listening to new materials that challenge my long-held assumptions about sex.<br /><br />When I get home tonight, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">I'm</span> going to write up another entry that will provide some good links to safe sex practices with regards to sex toys, lubricant and cleanliness.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8663620707711432202.post-6414167632474652402009-08-13T18:43:00.000+10:002009-08-13T19:22:56.681+10:00Change of topicAfter a year of mental preparation for my Masters research, I think I just found a different topic that I feel even more strongly about, that I don't have to expose my sexual identity in a research context for, and that is more directly relevant to my degree.<br /><br />It's less meta-theoretical, but infinitely more interesting that listening to a bunch of queer wannabe girls talk about how they fuck girls to get guys off. I particularly feel uncomfortable with my current research topic because of a recent experience that brings up a strong negative emotional response from me...and how much of my personal life I would have to reveal in the process of my research in order to be an adequately reflective sociological researcher who adheres to my own high ethical standards. I can't simply do research and say that my own identity as a bisexual female has no relevance to my opinions and how I construct my research subjects in relation to that. As the first sentence of this paragraph reveals, I'm less than positive about a lot of the pop-queer trends that have been "saturating the market" (pun intended) over the last decade, and if I can't experience their identities with respect and an open mind, then I shouldn't be studying them.<br /><br />I want to look at sexual education...ideally I'd like to look at sexual education in relation to how and why people look at porn, and the expectations people have for sex. Lesbian porn where the girls have dangerously long, painted fingernails for instance.<br /><br />It came to me (ha ha) while listening to a <a href="http://www.tinynibbles.com/">podcast</a> in which the author relates her work on an explicit sexual education video who had to deal with porn stars because of the explicit nature of the film...and the porn stars themselves had no idea about safe sex, normal sex or normal human interaction outside of a sex-based industry. Listening to it made me cringe internally and that's how I knew it was something I could study with enthusiasm and vigor. After all, safe sex is important and anyone who thinks otherwise is probably not doing it right.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07018036758127337818noreply@blogger.com0