Royal National Park

Picture 319
Originally uploaded by Asaryu
Here's the photos I took from my wonderful walk with my house mate and a mutual friend at the Royal National Park.

Caught the ferry to Bundeena from Cronulla and walked for a long time. The views were pretty spectacular so I thought I would share them. :)

The rest of the photos are in my flickr set here

Libpunk

So, I'm not really up there with blog etiquette at this stage, and I'm not sure how useful it is for a blog with all of 3 readers to link to this stuff, but I'm pretty darn excited and that's what matters, and it's my blog quite frankly and I'll do what I bloody-well like.

Lib punk. It's like someone saw me coming and made up a movement just because they knew I'd have a pretty low supply of hope and it'd cheer me up. Or I'm just that much of a narcissist.
Before you enthusiastically jump off to the Libpunk website, read this little history from Librarians Matter to get you started and decide if it's something that'll trigger all your OCD buttons, or if it'll rock your proverbial socks off.

Have fun!

Progress...or not

So...I went to the postgraduate info evening last night. I was expecting to answer questions, but my supervisor stuck me right in it when he said that I could give a short talk about my "Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll approach to information research"...I wasn't about to start rattling off Chapman's information poverty and theories of small worlds, or Wilson's 2001 model of information behaviour, or Dervin's ever-evolving theories of sense-making to explain why I like to research the people that society doesn't like to acknowledge.

So I told them about my pilot project from 2008, and I told them that I was given the opportunity to present the research at RAILS, and that the support you're given in your coursework is better than any work placement, and that I was working full time as a librarian without even having graduated yet and that the staff are supportive and understanding, and that you are given everything you need to get a High Distinction (A+...actually requires your work being marked and verified as outstanding by 2 seperate senior professors, for you Americans) and all you need to do is the work.

I dont think my supervisor realised that after the terrible time I had in my undergraduate at Macquarie that I was a UTS evangelist.

I also talked privately to my supervisor, and I may be able to withdraw from this semester without penalty. Since stalker boy has been on the scene for most of this semester, and I'm 7 weeks behind and suffering the physical manifestations of stress (bad skin, not eating, not sleeping enough, sudden weight loss, the desire not to go to work etcetera) that all I have to do is talk to the counciller and I can just fill out a form and withdraw from this semester without financial or academic penalty. It's a weight off my mind, and now that I have a steady full time permenant job the need to finish the Masters ASAP is a lot less significant, so I can take my time with it and do it properly instead of rushing through things and doing them half-assed cos I don't have the money or an idea of my schedule from week to week...not to mention that next semester I'll be doing it with a different 2nd academic supervisor who might be more stable and available when it comes to helping out with the project. I might also, with the scope of the new job, be able to work my project into my workplace and be able to work on it during my work time instead of only doing it at the times when I am not at my peak...whcih means that I'll have the same advantages as my Masters colleagues instead of being disadvantaged by doing a research-based project instead of a practice-based one.

Even if I can't, at least I'll be getting useful contacts in the surrounding industries, which will be useful for project as well as for work and life.

the victim

It's almost 7am, I got plenty of sleep and I'm getting ready for work at a job I love with people I get along really well with at a place that is both convenient and beautiful. So why don't I want to go to work?

Because I am a victim.

There is a young man at work who has decided I am his friend and is either utterly misreading or thoroughly taking advantage of the fact that I am trapped in a service position and I am a naturally friendly and gregarious person. He has sent me inappropriate materials, he has been attempting to make personal contact with me for about 6 weeks, 2 of which I was on holidays where he would ask other staff where I was, and has been positioning himself in the library to either watch me at the desk or to monitor my comings and goings from the workroom.

The other day he was observed packing up and leaving the library immediately after I went home and it was suspicious enough that I was informed by my colleagues. This is the point that I decided to talk to the manager. She informed the three college managers (including the manager for security) and measures have been taken to make sure I'm safe. I now have my housemate (who has been a gem) picking me up from work, and on the late shift I call security so that they can keep an eye out for the over-enthusiastic guy. I have been offered a security escort to and from my vehicle (the bus)... and most of all: I have become a victim.

I became a victim at the point where I was no longer free to move about during my day without assistance and accountability. I have a series of people who need to be informed when I go home, and I have to report all contact with this guy - even contact made when he is borrowing and returning materials - so that other people may monitor the situation. I have a series of people monitoring my situation. I keep records of all email correspondence from him and I try not to go to the main floor when he is there unless I am working on the front desk. I no longer do desk shifts upstairs alone.

I understand and appreciate that my concerns have been taken seriously and that my safety at work is of such importance - even though I'm leaving in less than 2 weeks to work in another library - and that the administrators of the college would rather put the expense into playing it safe than wait for me to report to being followed home or accosted. I know that I am not being punished, and I know that I am not at fault. But I also know that the reporting of the experiences has meant a lack of freedom and an understanding that I am not able to deal with this issue on my own. In this place and at this time I am powerless to affect my situation and I am no longer solely responsible for my safety.

I think I understand now why, when I was younger and I was more easily taken advantage of, I did not report my co-worker who would make me uncomfortable at work, follow me home and try to grope me. My job was my freedom and my family's sole source of non-government income and I must have known that being a victim would cause me more problems than having a creep for a co-worker.

I understand why I never reported the guy who would send me inappropriate images he had made with my head attached to them demonstrating what he would like to do to (definitely not with) me.

I understand why I never reported the guy who I was dating who forced himself on me without giving me the chance to say no. And who later tried to strangle me when I told him unpleasant truths about the nature of his mental and emotional abuse in the relationship.

I understand why I never made a fuss about the guy who would follow me around work trying to talk to me and make contact with me.

I understand why so many abuses that women go through are not reported and why they will never factor in to the statistics we use to determine how safe women are at work.

These women don't want to be victims.

I honestly don't know how my situation could be dealt with without the punishing of the socially awkward nerd who comes into the library and will do anything to be your friend and who may not realise that he's being inappropriate or that you're simply a nice person and that the connection is all in his head. But I wish there was a way for women to report fear and abuse without having to become victims.

Cool things I've been reading

http://www.feministing.com/archives/016562.html

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200907-omag-adult-sex-education

What Is Sex and Why Does It Matter? A Motivational Approach to Exploring Individuals' Definitions of Sex - from the Journal of Sex Research, Volume 44, Issue 3 July 2007 , pages 256 - 268

http://www.publish.csiro.au/paper/PY04014.htm

http://www.durex.com/EN-GB/SEXUALWELLBEINGSURVEY/INTHEBEDROOM/pages/default.aspx

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/services/bib-methods.html

Sex and the gym.

I always felt a certain amount of scorn for people who went to the gym to pick up. We have all seen that sad image of a woman going to the gym in a push-up bra, jewellery and make-up, trying not to look flustered as she struggles with the rowing machine or flirts outrageously with the gym instructor. Or the mental image of the guy doing more weights than he really should, but struggling on to impress someone with how strong he is.

One of the reasons I find these individuals so worthy of my scorn and derision is that I feel a certain amount of empathy with them. I think my gym instructor is cute, and if I had the confidence I'd pinch his ass, smile coyly and give him my phone number. But I don't. Cos I'm unfit, have a jiggly waistline and I am surrounded by people who are fitter and prettier than me who have firmer tummies, can last longer on the treadmill and can lift heavier weights. If anyone in that place is going to get the gym instructors attention, it certainly isn't going to be me (unless I fall off something, but I'm not willing to risk it). So I hide under baggy gym clothes and I heap disdain upon those who would openly acknowledge the fact that the gym is a precursor to hot, sweaty, pneumatic sex.

There are an enormous amount of reasons not to go to the gym. For one thing: when you start, you're red-faced and puffing exhaustedly while everyone else is still sprinting on the treadmill as though they are only just warming up. You're going because you recognise that your body and your health needs improvement...but in order to do that, you have to expose your pudgy cellulite to the world in tight-fitting stretch-pants and flab-exposing sports-bras that feel too tight among all the people who are fitter, younger and prettier than you.

This is where gyms like Curves come in. Women only, for people who are trying to get in shape, but who are not gym-junkies. So they can hide from people who they think would look at them with derision, and so that they don't get hit on (or worse, not hit on) while they are at the point where they feel the least attractive in their lives.

Then again...some people go the opposite direction.

I just came across an advertisement on Facebook for a group called Lesbifit. For lesbians who want to work out with other lesbians. This site confused me for a moment. I mean...women go to same sex gyms to avoid getting hit on...right?

Hahahahah!

Wrong.

Women go to Curves for the same reasons I wear baggy gym clothes and avoid eye contact. To avoid not being hit on. So that when I'm red-faced and extremely conscious of my jiggly bits moving around I don't have the added pressure of trying to be attractive as well.

From what I can tell, Lesbifit works on the assumption that lesbian women do not consume other women in the same ways that men consume women. There's a phrase I remember from my days as a Cultural Studies undergraduate. Men look at women and women look at men looking at women. So lesbian women apparently just don't look. It plays on the idea of love between two women being based on something 'deeper' and less physical than heterosexual love....and it's a presumption about same-sex love that I found interesting...and mildly insulting. It's not just same-sex love...it's female lust. Women don't create objects of desire through the act of looking, apparently. Women don't look at someone and want to fuck them. Women are 'safe', even same-sex attracted women are safe because apparently lesbians don't look at other women and want to touch them. They look at other women and want to form a deep emotional and spiritual connection with them.

As a woman, the assumption is insulting. As a student, the assumption is interesting and warrants further analysis. :-P

What on Earth am I doing?

I’ve been a bit wishy-washy in trying to figure out exactly what it is that interests me most and trying to turn it into something resembling a research topic. This blog post is primarily a brainstorming exercise to figure out what it is out of the things I’ve been reading that interests me the most, and I’m going to do a point form thing with a little description of my interests to go with it.

1. Sex Education Agendas
Who is doing the teaching, and what are they trying to say? There are some really obvious ones, like the Abstinence programs, but what about the other ones? I was viewing a website for a recent NSW Sexual Health initiative (http://www.gettested.com.au/) that was encouraging people to get tested for STI’s and to ‘play safe’ (whatever that means). Now, the agenda on this one is simple, it wants people to get STI tests, and it wants people to use condoms…but how does it go about that, and what assumptions about sex and the people who do it does it make?

2. Assumptions Regarding Gender in Sex Education
Highlighted breifly in my most recent post is the notion of gender in sex education. What assumptions are made about women and men and the roles they play? What expectations do sex education programs give to young people regarding gender and their own future roles in relationships? Whose responsibility is it to bring out the condom, and who is going to be the aggressor? Is a woman who enjoys and actively seeks sexual encounters a ‘slut’, and is a man in the same situation actually represented positively? How are women taught to think of men in this context, and how are men taught to think of women? Do these assumptions have any greater impact beyond the immediate educational situation, or are they only relevant as a teaching mechanism?

3. Adult Sex Information
What information do experienced people seek regarding sex? How is information for adults presented? In this regard, I’m rather fond of the term ‘experienced practitioner’. It lends a certain amount of integrity to the sexual act, and to the people who are seeking to learn more about it, with just a little behind-the-hand titter at polite society by talking about sex in such an ironic way. It also looks at sex as something that we practice, something that you gain experience in and something that people, in fact, do for a living. What information for adults is there? Do people feel better after reading the cosmopolitan guide to how to give your boyfriend a better blowjob? What sex information is available for men? As a woman, I’m more exposed (tee hee) to information designed for women, but my first exposure to sex was a couples sexual recipe book that was designed to give ideas and provide stimulus (chortle) for couples erotic play. It was written for couples, but I suspect it had women particularly in mind. Where do adults go if they need help? Do they go to their friends?; do they go to the (IMHO awful) womens magazines?; do they talk to a doctor, a pharmacist, psychologist, (gods forfend) their partner? Recently listening to a live radio program on triple j about sexual communication indicated that people simply don’t talk to their partners about things that trouble them sexually. If not, why not? What are they risking by talking, and what are they risking by staying silent? What do the creators of adult sex information think that adults want to know, and what does this say about the sex information industry (cos I’m pretty sure it says more about the people writing the material than it is likely to say about the adults reading it)?

4. Pornography as an informtion product.
Now, I’ve heard from more than one source that apparently people find out sex information from porn. Is this true, or is it simply people assuming that someone out there (who is obviously not nearly as clever as them) is looking at porn for hints and techniques to avoid the pizza delivery bill and give great head? Despite what some people think, I’ve only ever seen one pornographic film (an R-rated one, I think) and it left me uninspired and a little bored. I was intrigued as to how they were planning on bringing the dispirate elements of the plot together in order to save the little whore-house from destitution, but lost interest enough to turn it off before it ended since it was increasingly apparent that my curiosity wasn’t the only thing that was going to be left unsatisfied that evening. So my foray into viewing pornography a few years ago was not a well of information on what people seek when looking at porn. Yes, they want to be aroused by the video, but are they learning anything at the same time, and if they are, is it sticking? Are people learning bad (or good) habits from porn, or is it just that they might like to blame porn for their bad (or good) habits later down the track when they are being asked about it? Are we so accustomed to blaming the media for every misconception that we have that porn is copping it for not showing more condoms, pillow talk and STI testing?


That’s all I can think of for now, but rest assured dear reader (I think there’s one of you at the moment), I will update with any more ideas that spring to mind later when I’ve had a good rest.